I write this blog post in amazement and awe of God.  Forgive my mess of jumbled thoughts as I try to put them together into a logical paragraph for you.

If you don't know yet, I work at Perkins.  Lately, as I talk to the guests at the front counter, my coworkers have been joining in the conversations and end up telling the guests that I am going to Uganda on a mission trip.  Today, after listening to me explain to some of the guests what a mission trip is and why I am doing it, one of my coworkers told me I am humble.

Am I really humble?

I want to believe the only thing that makes me exceptional is that God created me in His image, and He loves me more than enough to justify sending His son to die for the sins I make, but I know it’s not what I whole-heartedly believe.  All too often I give myself credit because I am tough, because I am stern, because I am honest, etc., but if that is who I am, did not God create me to be that way because He is that way?  Why should I be proud of being honest when I did not make myself to be honest?  Is knowing God created me to be this way being humble?

When I was journaling, I wrote the above paragraph, and then stopped to reread it and rethink it.

I realized a few things at once.  Tough, stern, and honest are all words I have used to describe myself for years.  Today, I think I realized I am not tough in the sense I used to be, not stern how I used to be, and not "honest" how I used to be.  This is good.  When I was tough, I didn't let love get to my heart.  When I was stern, I was stubborn beyond reason.  When I was "honest," I was lying to myself.  Now, I am tough because I have strength from the Lord.  Now, I am stern because I have unrelenting faith in Jesus.  Now, I am honest with myself about my sin.

All at once and very suddenly, I think I am seeing how I have changed because I am letting God change me, and He has amazed me.